Saturday, August 14, 2004
really.. the title says it all..
i already have no control of myself. it's like someone else is conrolling me - my every move, every tear, every expression.. and in just a snap everything will change..
just a while ago, i cried.. i cried because of frustration. you see it's been a long time since i cried all because, my life in the past week seems to run smoothly.. i would like to highlight the word seems coz that's what i really thought.
the past week seemed to be perfect. day by day, he's trying to grant this happiness that i've longing for.
... then i just woke up... it was all just a dream. i was in a world far from reality..
everything just came up to me just this afternoon. i'm not really sure what i'm doing with my life right now. you may see me as a happy-go-lucky person but deep inside is a person with a confused state of mind and heart. all i wanted is to be happy and that's what i'm trying to do. there are so many reasons to smile but there are more reasons to frown and cry.
i pity myself..
i cry and get frustrated but when i stop, i forget that i ever cried and continue this shitty life. it's the other way around. i have no control in my life. it's already life that is controlling me.
i've done the best that i can. please try to recognize my efforts. i'm so tired. i'm so weak. do you even care? am i your last resort?
are you still there? end this life now.. just take me with you..
